During the first week of school for a new student, there is a question that always arises; is going Greek worth it. You have heard both sides of the story. From the national news belittling fraternities for allegations sanctioned against them to the infamous party stories that legends are made from. For many people, it is a extremely difficult situation where you have to decide if you want to be a “Frat Star” or a “GDI (God Damn Independent)”. Unless you’re some Sloth looking motherfucker from the Goonies, you should get some ass in college regardless. Both have their pros and cons. In the end it is your decision to choose what type of lifestyle you want to live during your prime college years.
First, let’s talk about not going Greek. You’re in your first year in college and you decide not to go Greek because you decided that you are too high and mighty to become a pledge or basically slave for some drunk assholes that you barely know. With that being said, you saved yourself from some hazing that you really didn’t want to go through and also saved a sufficient amount of money that you could spend on booze. After some of your friends decided to rush fraternities, you soon find yourself hanging out with some weird, questionably rapey looking motherfuckers drinking in your dorm room. You think, “hell this isn’t so bad, we are drinking as much as the kids that rushed fraternities, but were just doing it in our dorm. Also, we still have hot girls to drink with because most of the girls are scared to go to fraternity parties the first few months of school anyway.” Well, as you soon learn, all of those girls are going to get sick of drinking 40 ounces and plastic vodka in your strangely humid dorm room and are going to branch out to get pounded out by some frat bros. It is at that moment when you try to ask your friends that you met in fraternities if you could come to their parties. That’s when your so called “friends” will give you a harsh “fuck no” and tell you that you should have rushed with them. That’s when you feel like a real Steven Glansberg. As the years go on you start to find a group of friends that are also GDI’s and start to throw parties and drink together every weekend. Things are going alright as you’re getting pretty boozed and are having a generally good time. There is one thing that keeps bugging you though and that is there usually isn’t a single hot girl at any of your parties. If in the off chance there is a smoke show at your party, some creepy ass Squidward looking motherfucker will scare her off. There will be that one perfect night where your party doesn’t absolutely suck nuts and a girl that is about a 6.5/7 out of 10 walks in. You decide to make your move, everything goes according to plan and you take her to pound town back at your little crack den of an apartment. You end up dating this girl for the rest of your college career because up to that point you have been banging a bunch of fatties. You think, “hell this girls got an alright face, a rockin’ ass and is pretty much down for whatever.” All in all you have a slightly higher GPA than your friends in fraternities and are getting laid fairly consistently. Just thank god you found a decent girlfriend, because you were getting into some pretty raunchy stuff online and playing the skin flute just wasn’t cutting it.
Now let’s talk about going Greek. When you first got to college all you were thinking about is rushing the best fraternity on campus. You saw all of those news stories about kids dying of alcohol poisoning and hazing. You decided “Hell if I’m going to go out, id rather have it with a bottle in my hand and some ass around me.” This reminds me of a scene in Wolf of Wall Street when the ship is going down and Leonardo DiCaprio screams “Donnie get the ludes! I will not die sober!” It’s kind of like that. You have been following TFM since you were a junior in high school and couldn’t be more excited. You’ve bought so much so called “Frat Attire” in preparation for your new wardrobe. After rush is over and you get into the fraternity you so dearly wanted in to, the real fun begins.
You soon realize that you are a pledge which basically means you’re everybody’s lackey much like Alfred from Batman, except you are treated like a houseboy from the 1760’s. You find yourself driving active members around and doing their everyday chores for them. This kind of upsets you, but you remember the benefits that will come in the near future. You have many events where there are as many girls as far as the eye can see. You get paired up with the hottest sororities with things like philanthropies, socials and formal events. The parties that your fraternity throws are insane and full of booze and chicks. As your pledge semester comes to an end, you couldn’t be happier. You have made a bond with your pledge brothers that can never be broken. You went through the shit and now you are in greener pastures. Now that you have been initiated and are an official “Frat Bro” you have all week to get shit wasted and have the time of your life. All great parties are thrown on the weekend so all week you are anticipating a great party so you can get absolutely pirate drunk and hit on some girls that are out of your league. Unlike those wack ass GDI parties, your parties are filled with gorgeous girls and endless amount of booze as far as the eye can see. You will try to go through more girls than Wilt Chamberlain. You will refuse to settle down with a girl no matter how much your slam pieces really want you to. There will be the one magical night where you see a Mila Kunis/Selena Gomez mixture goddess of a women walk through the door. Even though you know that she is far out of your league you decide to throw a hail mary and go for her anyway. The two of you end up actually hitting it off and she seems to really buy into your bullshit lines. You guys throw back about 6-8 vodka shooters and you end up taking her home. Somehow you fight through the whiskey dick and perform like a goddamn stallion. She gets addicted to that D and you decide that you need to make an honest woman out of her and actually date her since she is the hottest ass you have tapped since Nam. All in all you went Greek and have some of the best times of your life. You have made memories with some of the best friends you will ever have. Besides taking 10 years off your life you have absolutely killed it in college.
With both pros and cons displayed in front of you it is easy to say that Going Greek is well worth it. You may not have the best GPA, but “You didn’t come to college to play school.” The amount of best friends, memories and girls that you have experienced is enough to last you two life times. So this writer says, Go Greek and live a little you fuckin’ nerds.
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