When you go off to college everything seems to become brand new to you. It doesn’t matter if you’re going to school across country or if you went to the State school right down the road. College is filled with a vast amount of new people and new experiences. Your parents are always going to be worried about the crowd or group that you might find yourself in. From being affiliated with Greek Life to being in the band here are a list of five people that you will find yourself hanging out with in college.

1.The Boozer

Now this is the kid that your parents warn you about the first day they leave you at your dorm. This is that “Bad Influence” you have been told about but couldn’t have been more excited to meet. More than likely he has moved from across the country for college not because he liked the school, but wanted to get as far away from his parents as possible. You will never forget the first time you met him, because he was passed out in your dorm elevator covered in puke after some fraternity dirty rush party. The first year of college you always find yourself pregaming in his room because you know for a fact that he has a bag of Franzia sunset blush wine and a handle of good old Captain Morgan waiting for you in his room. 10 out of 10 times this is the kid that is always talking about rushing a fraternity or about how he can’t wait to join Greek life and bang out on sorority chicks. Whenever you are trying to be studious in the library getting your homework done you hear that “Bing” from your phone you already know it’s him saying something like, “Beer pong my room, 15 minutes everyone is coming.” You of course pack up all your shit and go up to his room expecting a little get together and in the hopes of you might meet a few new chicks, but when you get up there you couldn’t have been more wrong. You see him with a 30 rack of Keystone and all of the beer pong supplies set up. It’s at that moment you realize that you have just walked into a one vs one beer pong tournament with no end in sight until that 30 rack is gone. You don’t turn around and leave because you already gave up on homework and he has started taking so much shit about how he is going to “Whoop that ass in pong” that it obligates you to stay to prove him wrong. There is a large chance that you get your first underage drinking ticket with this guy. As the years go on he is still up to his same antics, not caring too much about school, but still hitting the bottle pretty hard and doing well with the ladies. It’s not until his senior year when he realizes that he better get his shit together or he won’t graduate on time with the rest of you. With that being said this guy will probably be your best man at your wedding unless the bottle or his ex wives take him down first.


2.The Worry Wart

In every friend group you need that one kid that is going to legitimately worry about your physical and mental health. Its very likely that you met this guy the first day of college and had a few things in common and just started hanging out everyday. He never drank much before college and has talked to literally zero girls in his life. But he is a good guy and deep down you just really want to corrupt him. He is usually from a very sheltered home and has no concept on how to play Beer Pong or even what the hell a Four Loco is. You can always find him at a party because he is hiding in the corner of the kitchen still sipping on his first beer of the night. You always try to get him to switch over to hard liquor because you can see that he is just going to nurse that beer like a infant on a tit all night, but he always refuses. He will say something like “I don’t want to get a underage drinking ticket” or “Beer before liquor, never been sicker.” To be fair he is probably right, but for some reason that really pisses you off and you get a group of your friends to peer pressure him into drinking heavy. After that, it’s all fun and games until about his fourth shot in and you can see a small puddle of pee forming in his pants. At first you find it hilarious, then you see the ten Kappa girls and their Alpha Phi counterparts getting their phones out to take pictures and you decide it’s time to get your boy out of there.  You finally decide that he was right to be worried and that carrying him is a real pain in the ass. As the years go on you see him grow and becoming more personal with the ladies. He still pees his pants, but at least he does it in his bed now.


3.The Old Man

In every group there is a kid who is the same age as you or younger and for some reason acts like he is the ripe age for 54. You really don’t know why but majority of the time he just really pisses you off. He is usually some sort of accounting or finance major and literally won’t shut the hell up about it. He is still in his entry level economics classes, but talks about the global economy and how he thinks how he could change it. At parties he is usually pretty loud and is the life of the party. This is because he has been drinking something he calls “Stump Whiskey” all night, but in reality it’s just a plastic bottle of 10 High Whiskey. Once you get passed his bright red face and his constant bear hugs he is a pretty good guy, but just pretentious as fuck. Whenever you need help with math or any kind of business class he is the first one you call, not because he has taken the class or anything but because he reads the Wall Street Journal and for some reason you find him educated in these matters. He always seems to be the guy you call when you need a ride to the airport or when your toilet is clogged with puke and red solo cups. He has one big “bugga boo” that really grinds his gears and that is when you are on your phone the whole time while you two are eating lunch. He will call you a millennial which is bullshit since he is the same age as you. Just tell him to fuck off and to get rid of his Blackberry from 2005 and to get an Iphone and add that he has his whole life to be old, but only a few years to be irresponsible.


4.The Know It All

This is the kid you question yourself each day why you are friends with him. He literally acts like he does know it all, which of course he doesn’t. He is constantly trying to help you with your homework, but literally doesn’t know jack shit. You will probably meet him within the first few weeks of your college career in the dining hall talking about all of the “Sick frat parties” that he has already been too. But deep down you know he is talking out his ass. You become friends with him because of all of the potential “ragers” that he has set up for the weekend. The first party you go to with him seems like a sure thing, you have girls booze and not to many guys with you. He keeps saying “We are forsure getting in, I know everybody here.” Sure enough once you get to the front door the Junior or Senior who’s throwing the party has no idea who he is and invites all the girls in and leaves you on the porch with your dicks in your hands. You look at him like he is a Yankee’s fan at Fenway and he shrugs his shoulders and says “Don’t worry we got more parties to go to.” After getting denied at three more parties you eventually make it into some apartment party with about 50 dudes passing around bottle of Peach New Amsterdam and 3 girls you are terrified to talk to because they look like they have literally been beaten with the ugly stick. There will be that one time he gets you into the party of your life and it’s something you two will have a bond over for the next four years but the ratio for that is about 15 to 1. As years go on you start only hanging out with him on the weekends because he reminds of of that clingy freshman you slept with.


5. The Foreigner

At every large University or State school there is always a very large influx of foreign exchange students and it turns out a few of them are pretty awesome. Once you understand that they aren’t speaking in tongues at you and that they just want to meet some new American friends everything seems to slide in place. One thing that is awesome about having a foreign friend is that every single girl thinks the way he talks is awesome and it is the best ice breaker when hitting on chicks. Most of the time the girls are so boozed that you can get away with a little white lie like “Want to meet me friend from Sri Lanka he is a prince,” or “This guy’s mom invited Gucci and he can hook you up.” Another great thing about the foreigner in your friend group is that he is literally so fucking loaded. He is always paying for you when he is blacked out whether it be at the bars buying rounds or just a drunken night at Taco Bell buying 50 crunchwrap supremes. No one is quite sure who is sending the money or how he is getting it, but all you know is that he loves to ball out. With that being said it is almost impossible to understand him on the phone. When he calls you on the phone sober you can catch every other word to get the general jist of what he is saying, but when he calls wasted it sounds like he is casting some sort of Harry Potter spell on you. It’s important to spend a lot of time with the foreigner in your group because the likelihood of you never seeing them again after college is extremely high. Besides getting stopped at airports and not knowing how to eat human food the foreigner is going to be one of the best friends in college.


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